Doubly Blessed.

I started doing some adoption timeline calculations the other day and got super depressed.
It's looking like March or later before we will be traveling to China.

I had been praying to have our little one home by Christmas.
That hope doesn't seem like even a remote possibility now.
My heart already feels like a ton of bricks when I imagine the morning of December 25th without her here with us.
 
There's a song that I have been listening to nearly every day.
The lyrics below have taken on new meaning during this phase of our adoption process...

Set backs and failures, and upset plans  
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands  
Are You not the closest, when it's hardest to stand?  
I know that You will finish what You began 

So many of my days I feel like God is just quietly holding my hand. 
He'll let it go for a second while I grab another tissue, soak up a tear, blow my nose, but His hand is always openly waiting for my hand again.
Some days I make a clinched fist, and I bang it relentlessly on His chest.
I am so frustrated.
Angry.
Desperate.
Why is it taking so long?!
He wraps His arms around me, pulling me closer, softening my blows.
He understands suffering and pain.
He understands it all.


God has been so gracious to sprinkle my days with some sweet blessings during this time of agonizing waiting.

For starters, I have received several emails over these past few weeks from families who have adopted from our daughter's orphanage and Province. They have each been like a soothing balm on my raw emotions. Their stories, travel tips, and encouraging words have warmed my heart when I often felt one degree away from emotional frostbite.

Secondly, my friends and family. True godsends.
How would I survive without them?
Calls, emails, texts, cards. They all ask how things are going with the adoption, even when 99.99% of the time I have to say, "Well...we're still waiting on such-and-such paperwork to go through..."
Friends who I haven't seen or talked to in years (decades, even) have contacted me to let me know they are praying for our adoption.
One dear friend recently gave me a huge bag of adorable girl clothes for Shisi.
Another gave a ladybug pillow pet for when she's home in honor of her 1st birthday.
And another gave me the Child of My Heart Willow Tree figurine which makes me cry every time I look at it.

The cherry on top came the other day when a woman asked, "So, is she your only child?" referring to Aubrey, and for the first time in my life I told a complete stranger, "No, I also have a daughter in China who we're trying to get home as fast as we can."

And there it was.
Something I already knew, but saying it out-loud just flooded my entire being with indescribable joy.

I have two daughters.
Two daughters.

Thank you, Lord.
I am certainly doubly blessed.